Every now and then, I see a take that’s so typical, so normal, so…almost boring, but then it generates controversy anyway. The latest one? Married couples should have great, mutually enjoyable sex, and sex is better within monogamy.

Perhaps the problem is that this take came from Evie Magazine, as they released their sex issue—intended to promote pleasurable sex with marriage, and provide an alternative to purity culture and abstinence-only. Evie Magazine is best described as a “conservative Cosmopolitan.” Given that regular Cosmopolitan barely exists anymore (at least not in its original, sex-first, “how to touch his member” form), Evie is one of the only current magazine sources of dating and sex advice for women, and literally the only one on the Right.

And yes, as I said before, Evie is conservative. Given that I am not a conservative, I do not agree with, or endorse, everything seen on Evie. So this is not your chance to say, “Ahemm….CHH, if you LOOOVE Evie so much, what do you have to say about [INSERT ARTICLE HERE]??” I’m sure they’ve written many things with which I disagree!

But lately, Evie is under intense scrutiny for publishing…and I want you to take a deep breath so the horror can fully marinate…

sex advice for married women. Oh, and worse, endorsement of pleasurable sex within marriage.

I know, I know. It’s terrifying. If this doesn’t fucking horrify you, you aren’t paying attention. The only question is: who do you think is mad about it? The answer: all of the above.

First of all, Evie is no stranger to controversy. They have a real talent for pissing off all sides of the political spectrum, which only a terminally online loser like myself can see because I’m somehow steeped in the lunacy of both the Left and the Right. Take the controversy over their proprietary sun dress which pissed off the Left for being too “trad” and male-gaze-oriented and pissed off the Right for being not trad enough, and then also pissed off the crunchies for not being made of organic hemp. And by the way, it was literally just a dress.

If this doesn’t terrify you, you aren’t paying attention.

Anyway, a similar thing is happening with their marital sex advice issue.

You might believe that the ire at Evie is all coming from loony lefties who are angry that a conservative women’s magazine is resorting to the heteronormative assumption that its readers are women married to men, or for the archaic assumption that women want to be married instead of practicing radical celibacy or being in a seven-person polycule. But you would be wrong! I mean, yes, leftists are a little mad about it (and have even referred to this advice as “dangerous” because it’s more palatable than church-lady abstinence-only and women might gasp like it) but somehow the incredibly normal, if not a bit obvious idea of “married couples should be having hot and mutually pleasurable sex” is bringing out the wackos from the Right. Take, for example, this comment on an Evie Instagram post about how to give a great blowjob, which is basically something you’d see in 1999 Cosmo except replace “your man” with “your husband.”

Oral sex of any kind is sodomy. It doesn’t matter if it foreplay and normal sex occurs afterwards—it is never acceptable for a man to put his penis anywhere but in his wife’s vagina.

Multiple other right-leaning commenters took issue with Evie’s “misandry” given that they made the egregious error of assuming all men like blowjobs (another man responded, “I don’t like blowjobs. You’re wrong.” You sure showed them, drydick!) One woman expressed fury that such filth was being promoted on a magazine she let her teenage daughter read. One accused Evie of promoting a “mortal sin” and “degeneracy.” Another commenter accused Evie of being “Zionists” as evidence by their Jewish-coded pro-blowjob stance.

tfw ur man asks for a jewish blowjob

Now, as I said before, progressives are mad too, not only because Evie is right-leaning (so the entire publication is persona non grata anyway) but because it makes the generalization that sex is best within a committed marriage and that “hookup culture” is bad for women. They believe this sends a “dangerous message” that women are usually happiest within the old-fashioned constraints of monogamous marriage. I’ll agree with them that Evie seems far too spooked about hookup culture than necessary, but that’s mostly because hookup culture doesn’t really exist anymore. If anything is bad for today’s young women, it’s phone addiction and lack of socialization. Let’s worry about hookup culture when young people are actually, you know, fucking.

But it is not remotely controversial to say sex is better with someone who loves you. You’re going to feel more comfortable. They will know your body better. I ran a survey with over 3,000 respondents so far regarding participants’ most recent sexual encounter. If a woman’s most recent sexual encounter was with a man who was not a serious partner (including casual dating, early-stage dating and hookups) she had a 59% chance of achieving orgasm. If it was with her husband, she had a 76% chance of achieving orgasm. (I limited this particular sample to women under 40 given that older women are more likely to be married, so menopause would not be a confounding variable.)

When it comes to sex, the good liberal thing to do is to make all the disclaimers that everyone is different, and everything is valid, and in the spirit of not poking into other people’s sex lives, I agree with that. Go ahead and do your dommy mommy role play where your polycule dresses up as variations on Margaret Thatcher and whips your ass. Truly, it’s not my business, although if you actually did that I’d be curious to hear about it. But surely, we can generalize. Surely, saying that sex is most enjoyable for women within healthy marriages is not a radical, right-wing thing, even if it’s also being said by Evie. And certainly, there are right-wingers who are mad about it too, because good married people shouldn’t be sucking Satan’s cucumber.

I REBUKE THIS

Is it perhaps a bit too exclusionary for Evie to disclaim that their sex articles are ONLY FOR MARRIED PEOPLE? Perhaps. But their overall stance that monogamous, marital sex is typically more enjoyable for straight women than situationships and hookups is just obviously true, no matter what your political alignment. Obviously, not all marriages are good. Not all sex within marriage is good. See: Evie’s prudish commenters, who are likely having some of the worst sex imaginable. But outliers aside, and all other things being equal, sex within marriage or monogamous relationships will obviously be better than sex with more casual, non-commital partners, especially for women, whose orgasms are not guaranteed. Again, everyone knows this!

But funny enough, when the sex issue of Evie was written, it wasn’t seen so much as criticizing the Left for hookup culture (although there was some of that) but criticizing the Right for purity culture. Basically saying, “Conservative women were given sexually repressed messages and they need something better without going full Sex in the City.” As Evie founder Brittany Hugoboom said on Twitter:

The best the conservatives had to offer was the virtue of “restraint.”
Who wants that?…Sex is one of the most exciting parts of being alive, and it’s insanely better with a man who is wildly, completely obsessed with you. A man who knows your body because he has made it his business to learn, and gives you the emotionally safety to completely let go.

Again, not terribly controversial. Shame and guilt around sex are bad for most people. Healthy sex within marriage with a man who wants to make you happy is going to be the best thing for most straight women.

But that’s not all! Progressives and church ladies were hardly the only people who were mad. Has anyone considered that venerating steamy marital sex might be really offensive to…men?

What could men possibly be mad about, you ask? After all, don’t men want women to have sex with their husbands? Don’t men, especially right-wing men, typically appreciate a more traditional attitude towards sex? And surely, even a traditional man who believes sex is for marriage wants women to enjoy the sex they’re having, right?

Uh…maybe not!

Rollo Tomassi, one of the OG red pill writers (and just to be clear, the red pill is not trad) accused Evie of promoting sex with an “indentured servant,” presumably because it implies caring about a woman’s pleasure. Giving a woman orgasms? How cucked!

Another man declared he had never been obsessed with a woman in his life, and that Evie’s female readers are asking not for partnership but to be worshipped. The term “obsessed” seemed to trigger quite a few men, including others who accused Hugoboom of secretly promoting feminism because she never clarified that a woman is supposed to be obsessed with the man in return (may I direct you to the Jewish blowjob guide? L’chaim!)

Yet another man accused Evie of promoting “autosexuality” for expecting a man to care about her pleasure. Just as you got bored of the homosexual agenda and the transgender agenda now we have to worry about the autosexual agenda?!

All of this is just…kind of a bummer. While Brittany Hugoboom speculated that progressives essentially won the sex battle by providing much more appealing attitudes about sex than what the Right was offering, I’m a little disheartened that “have great sex while married” is such a polarizing topic (on seemingly all fronts) and that by defending it, you are somehow peddling a dangerous right-wing ideology, peddling dangerous autosexual feminism, and peddling Zionist Satanism while you’re at it. Like, is everyone okay?

Of course not. But all I can do is promote the normal healthy marriage agenda from my liberal vantage point, and hope that people all across the political spectrum come to their senses.

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Men Don’t Like Bitches, but They Do Like Brats

](https://www.cartoonshateher.com/p/men-dont-like-bitches-but-they-do)

Recently, I wrote about how a great deal of tradwife propaganda is mistakenly identified as male-gaze-oriented but is actually male-dependency-oriented. In other words, when certain men claim they want women to be as modest, easy, unchallenging, uneducated and compliant as possible, they are either saying this to trick women into forfeiting their leverage, or they are relatively inexperienced and have no idea how bored such a woman would actually make them. They are not being honest about a genuine attraction to meekness, unconditional compliance, and Amish clothing.